I became happier after unlearning everything because people’s opinions should never become your concern.
Childish and immature boys care what other people think about them. Real men know where they’re going and do what it takes to get there.
Being that childish and immature boy, I attempted suicide in high school because I grew depressed from other people’s opinions of me.
I then hid my suicide attempt from everyone outside of my immediate family because of that same flawed belief that opinions matter.
In my personal experience, happiness only comes when you’re true to yourself. Men are expected to be and act in a certain way but that may not be who you actually are.
Once I realized other people’s opinions don’t matter, learned how to accept myself for who I am, discovered my purpose in life, and started dreaming big again, that’s when I noticed a drastic shift towards becoming a happier person.
Opinions Don’t Matter
“What other people think of you is not your business. If you start to make that business your business, you will be offended for the rest of your life.”
– Deepak Chopra
Dr. Daniel Amen’s 18-40-60 Rule states that those who are 18 years old care about what everyone thinks. At forty we no longer care about what other people’s opinions are. At sixty we realize no one was ever thinking about us because they’re busy thinking about themselves.
Being in my early 30’s, I can say it was liberating to free myself from other people’s opinions. After doing this, my entrepreneur side came out and flourished into who I am today.
Conjuring up out-of-the-box ideas and moving forward with them, I’ve been called crazy, delusional, stupid, and even brilliant.
If I cared what other people thought of me, I wouldn’t have published It’s the Worst Book Ever Written and made it #1 bestseller.
By going to amazon, you’ll see over twenty people insulting my intelligence. Their opinions don’t affect me because I had too much fun with the whole thing.
“Self-approval and self-acceptance in the now are the main keys to positive changes in every area of our lives.”
– Louise Hay
Self-acceptance for men is difficult because we’re programmed in school, by the media, and at home to go to school, get good grades to get into a good college, where you get good grades to get a good job, so you can work in a job to build someone else’s dreams while giving them the power to fire you anytime they want, all to be called the “breadwinner” in the family.
Even though women have been in the workforce for many decades over, society still expects men to be the main provider. Stay-at-home-dads are on the rise but it’s still coming with a negative stigma that they’re not “real men.”
Even though I personally don’t have any children, I have numerous friends and cousins who are stay-at-home-dads. Most are not only comfortable with the fact they’re relying on their wife to “bring home the bacon,” they absolutely love being a major part of their kids lives.
Then there’s a couple friends who can’t accept the idea of their wife being the provider. They’re the unhappy ones. Instead of playing with their kids, they’re always on their computer trying to make a couple dollars so they don’t have to ask for money at the end of the day.
Living a Purposeful Life
“It’s not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something.”
– Winston Churchill
Dr. Patrick Hill and Dr. Nicholas Turiano conducted a 14-year life purpose experiment with over 6,000 participants. They concluded that those who had, and pursued, their life purpose lived happier, healthier, and more fulfilling lives.
As a matter of fact, within those 14-years, the only people who died were those who had a low sense of purpose.
After attempting suicide again in my early college years, I began to dig deep as to why I had a low sense of self-acceptance, self-worth, and self-esteem. For such an easy answer, it took many years to realize I didn’t know my purpose and I wasn’t pursuing any worthy goals.
As something to keep in mind, discovering your life purpose is not easy. One mentor told me he’s been trying for over thirty years. The key, however, is to allow it to continuously grow and evolve with you along the way.
I still haven’t discovered mine to the point where I can definitively say I have it set but it’s always been good enough to move forward.
Think Big! Then, Think Bigger!
“Look at things not as they are, but as they can be. Visualization adds value to everything. A big thinker always visualizes what can be done in the future. He isn’t stuck with the present”
– David J. Schwartz
It may be different for you, but in school we were told to think outside-the-box but were only rewarded when we followed what we were told. Original thinking was considered a sin in the private schools I went to.
Reading Dr. David J. Schwartz’s book, The Magic of Thinking Big granted me permission to take off that red tape society deems necessary and to start thinking like a child again.
Daydreaming, fantasizing, and visualizing became a hobby of mine where I would allow myself to drift off into the clouds and dream of the life I’m going to create.
Using Your Brain
“You can’t change who you are, but you can change what you have in your head, you can refresh what you’re thinking about, you can put some fresh air in your brain.”
– Ernesto Bertarelli
Dr. Joe Dispenza was quoted in an interview about his book Evolve Your Brain saying “Several studies have shown that the brain does not know the difference between what it is thinking internally and what it is experiencing in its external environment.”
By learning all of this a little at a time, I began visualizing at home and in public. No one knows I’m doing it, they just see me with my eyes closed and probably smiling from ear to ear.
But my mind believes my fantasies to be true and my emotions begin to shift with whatever images I put on the screen. Dreaming and thinking big was the biggest game changer I’ve ever experienced.
As a man in the 21st Century, it took me almost thirty years to accept who I am, to live my purpose every day, to not care what anyone thinks about me, and to reach for the stars not only in my mind, but in my actions as well.
All of this combined, coupled with years of grueling effort, I continuously grow to become a happier man with each passing day. If I can do it, there’s nothing stopping you from doing it too!