Neuro Linguistic Programming, more commonly known as NLP. NLP, simply put, is a model of communication and personality.
NLP explains how we process the information that comes to us from the outside world. Our internal representations that we make about an outside event are not necessarily the event itself. It is only our perception of that event. Our perceptions of reality have been proven to be false.
When an external event takes place, we run that event through our internal processing department which creates our internal representation of that event. This internal representation combined with a physiology creates our internal emotional state for that event.
When an event occurs, it comes in through our 5 senses:
- Visual – What we see
- How we look at it
- Auditory – Sounds and words we hear
- Even the way someone “says” those words to us
- Kinesthetic – What we feel from an external feeling
- The touch of someone or something
- Olfactory – Smell
- Gustatory – Taste
After the event comes in and our senses process it, we all naturally:
- Delete – Everyone selectively pays attention to certain details of an experience and overlook others. If we did not naturally go through the process of deletion, we would be overwhelmed with all the information the outside world gives us on a second-to-second basis.
- Distort – This is when you make a false representation of reality. Why do you think police detectives get 10 different stories from 10 different witnesses of the exact event?
- Generalize – This is the way we learn. We take global conclusions based on one or two experiences. The information that we have helps us create a meaning of those conclusions that we derived at.
We have 5 filters that help us filter the information we have just deleted, distorted and generalized:
- Meta-Programs – The way someone handels information. Through this, you can predict someone’s state and therefore, their actions.
- Values – Help us decide if our actions, and actions of others, are right or wrong. They help us decide how we feel about our actions.
- Beliefs – The deciding factor in our ability to do anything. They either cause us to do what we do or cause us to not do what we want to do (limiting belief).
- Memories – Some psychologists believe our actions are not caused by the present events, but rather the memories that we have accumulated and organized in a certain way.
- Decisions – These are directly related to memories and the decisions you make may cause you to make, break or create certain beliefs. Most of our decisions are made unconsciously which came to us from an early age from outside factors such as your parents and teachers.
These 5 filters outlined above determine what our internal representation is of any event that is occurring right now. This creates a certain state of mind which directly determines our behavior.
Brace yourself for this reality – you cannot distort, generalize or delete this information:
Every experience that you go through is made up inside your head. We do not experience reality in a direct way.
University of Pennsylvania – 1970 Communication Study
- 7% is the words we say
- 38% is our verbal behavior
- 55% is our nonverbal communication
- Body Posture
- Skin Color (it changes with emotions – this does not mean race or ethnicity)
- Body Movement
In essence, when we communicate with someone – 93% of how the person perceives what you are saying is not what you are saying, it is how you say it.